im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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