I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize