I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
