I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
