he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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