we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
