i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
