Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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