Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
