I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
