Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
