You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
