Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
