I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
