awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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