four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
