You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
