I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
