best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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