Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
