My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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