wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
