Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize