today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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