so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
