LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
