I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
