dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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