I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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