I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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