Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize