I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
