I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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