he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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