I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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