Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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