$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
