So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
