Four minutes until I can fart!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
