i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
