i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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