The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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