Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
