I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
