It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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