You really coming over, don't trick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
