I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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