Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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