Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
