so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
