there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Found the puke drawer
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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