Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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