I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
