Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
