It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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