got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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