We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
