I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
