He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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