eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
