I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
