How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize