just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
