If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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