They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
