when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
