I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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