If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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