I'm going to jail i love you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
