what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
did i walk over a car last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
