suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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