five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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