Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
