apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize