Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
