he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
