he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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