If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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