Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize