i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
