i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
