the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
