its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
