he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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