ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
