god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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