dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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